That Creepy Thing
by Kariki Neroli
Summary: SPAMALOT FIC: Why Robin's Minstrels weren't eaten... in the Musical anyway.


**Title:** That Creepy Thing

**Rating:** PG

**Pairing:** Robin/Alice, Lancelot/Herbert

**Disclaimer:** I think it goes without saying that I don't own Spamalot.

**Summary**: Why weren't Robin's Minstrel's eaten?

"You almost ate Robin's minstrels?" Herbert asked, horrified that his husband had thought about murdering and consuming one of his friends.

"We had nothing to eat, Herbert... They were there..." Lancelot tried to explain, looking anxious. Off to the side, Alice grumbled bitterly, still miffed by the incident.

"What happened then? Obviously, you ate something beside Minstrel."

"Oh, it was very interesting... and creepy." Robin piped in.

"You can't eat my minstrels!" Robin yelped, backing away from the other knights, the minstrels cowering behind him.

"It's the dead of winter, Robin." Lance tried to reason. "It's either them or the horses and we actually need the horses." Concord and Patsy clapped the coconut halves in agreement.

"I need them. They're the best backup singers I've ever had!" Robin pleaded.

"We'll get you some new minstrels went we get back to Camelot."

"I know where there's a lovely pet store, I'm sure you'll find some more there."

The minstrels risked a quick glare at Lancelot before hiding once more.

"Stand aside, Robin." Arthur said sternly.

"But... But..." Robin looked at his friend's faces hopelessly.

"S-sire?" Alice peeped from behind Robin. "I-If we could get you some food, would you be kind enough to... um... _not_ eat us?"

The knights looked at each other questioningly before laughed. They'd searched for miles around their campsite for anything edible and had come up empty handed. Even their best trackers and survivalists couldn't find anything.

"If you can get food, Herbert - "

"Herbert? Where?" Lancelot looked around excitedly.

"Alice."

"-Alice," Arthur corrected, "then we would gladly leave you alone."

Alice nodded and disappeared behind Robin again. They could hear the minstrels whispering furiously before they meekly left the safety of Robin. They backed away from the knights, watching for any signs of aggression. Once they were a good head start distance away, Alice turned to their female member.

"Go on, Frank. Do the creepy thing." Alice urged.

The girl minstrel, Frank, walked further away from the group to the edge of the forest. She looked back at them and, at the encouraging gestures from them, brought the flute to her lips and began to play. The tune was rather lovely - soft and relaxing.

The forest went silent as she played her flute. Slowly, the air became warmer and the sun came out from the blankets of snow clouds, its light shining specifically on her. Sparkles began to float around her, landing in her hair and cheekbones, giving her an almost ethereal glow. The grass under her feet turned greener and small yellow flowers bloomed into existence. The snow and ice dripped off the trees as their leaves began to spout.

The first animal to appear was an oddly fluffy rabbit. It hopped out of the grass, slow and unsure. It wiggled it's tiny pink nose as it crept closer and settled beside Frank, looking up at her with adoration. It was soon joined by another rabbit, just as timid as the first and another soon followed. Soon came a pair of deer walked cautiously out of the wood, as unsure as the rabbits had first been. They cast the knights a fearful glance but were too drawn to Frank's flute to turn away.

The knights looked at each other is astonishment as tiny blue birds started draping tinsel around them, leaving sparkles of their own in their wake. The minstrels looked exceedingly smug as more animals crowded around their mate. Rabbits, deer, birds, bears, badgers, sloths, monkeys, wolves, bats, and even a few parrots left the safety of the forest to hear the music. Robin draped a arm around Alice's shoulders.

"Will that do, my lord?" Alice asked, a bit sarcastic.

Lancelot looked at Arthur questioningly and, at his shrug, drew his sword and charged.

"The sight of Lancelot running at her with his sword drawn made Frank faint."

"Can you blame me?" Frank shuddered and edged away from Lancelot. "I still have nightmares."

"And then Robin fainted at the first sight of blood." Alice added with a fond smile, patting a blushing Robin's knee.

Herbert blinked, going over the story again in his head.

"So... Frank can summon animals by playing her flute and Lancelot committed genocide against said animals?"

"Pretty much, yes."

"Oh..."


End file.
